showing only Jason's quotes view all

Jason's Quotes

"Will you give me a butt massage?"
"Sure"
"What's a butt massage between friends?"
"Weird."

-Anonymous, Elissa, Jason, Mindy
pulling a muscle

I forgot my toothbrush.
Did you check your glove box?
Yes.
Did you check your fanny pack?
I didn't bring...er, yes, I did.
Did you check your other two bags?
Shut up.

-Jason
Amanda trying to travel light

The good stuff smells like old lady and smoke.

-Jason

I'd rather just poop my pants.

-Jason

I'm not very good at any sport that involves balls. Especially wrestling.

-Jason
re: Skip Lichty's gym class

I'm glad none of my clients facebook video me from bed

-Jason
re: other people's clients who post facebook video from bed.

Somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

-Jason

I wish I knew more show tunes.

-Jason

I like it here. Especially the mountain berry heaven blasphemy.

-Jason
in a guestbook

I had forgotten that I had asparagus until just then.

-Jason
on the side effects of certain veggies

One is a life partner; two or more is mischief.

-Jason
on how many guys have to be wearing dresses with him in public to be comfortable

Facebook IM is not an appropriate way to get in touch with me.

-Jason

My sister's having contractions...it's like two words...Toni Braxton?

-Jason

It's as good as cash!

-Jason
Sonny's lunch-a-lot card

Don't hurt me...and please throw in some bonus items.

-Jason
on how infomercials affect him
 
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Human?