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Tim's Quotes

You're slurring your words a bit and you're extra sensitive.

to Amanda after staying up until 3am the night before

I thought you were wearing a bathing suit under your shirt.

about Amanda's colorful tank top underneath her white shirt

I get nervous when I can't see him.

about someone subbing in the office

They say men have no peripheral vision because they were made for hunting. I was not made for hunting. I was made for nothing.

I never formalized my lack of hygiene.

on No Shave November

Adulthood is going to be hard on you.

to Amanda

I'll turn the music on to drown out your voices.

Your toenails are in a lot better shape than my toenails.

If they don't nap by parade time, it could get ugly.

All I know is that the girls need to see some princesses.

about Disneyworld

Am I the only one who thought she chewed the key?...I guess so.

Those toilets are pretty powerful, especially those handicap ones.

about a clogged toilet

It was NOT a strip tease.

about his interpretive dancing

No giggles.

about morning annoucements

It was either swear or scream like a girl. I chose scream like a girl...I'm not sure that was the best option.

after spilling water all over
 
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Human?